The Teryaki Tuna that Wasn't

Sit back, I'll tell a tale in my special disjointed way.

You know what a beer fridge is, right? Well I have one. Like all good beer fridges it lives in the garage. It holds beer. And occasionally abominations. And it's freezer holds overflow. Like tuna.

Sometimes I get a craving for something and when that happens nothing else will do. Like teryaki. I had the best bottled teriyaki sauce in the free world, I just needed something to dump it on. Like tuna.

As luck would have it, I had tuna. Frozen. In the freezer, but not in the beer freezer. Two packages, four chunks. I wavered. I wasn't crazy hungry. He doesn't love tuna OR teryaki. Boy was with the girlfriend. Boo was sleeping off a belly full of ramen. I went for it. All four chunks would insure leftovers for lunch. And I like tuna.

I marinated. I seared. I reduced. I steamed rice. I ate tomatoes. And maybe some little bit chocolate. Or more. Anyway, when it was ready, I was done. So He ate alone. Like a king. Or a pariah. He didn't look happy. But that's not an unusual look for him. I asked him if it was good. He said "the sauce is good" but I don't really like tuna.

He ate. I watched. He chewed. He swallowed he finished. He asked more than once why I wasn't eating. Finally he admitted this much - "it's pretty fishy". My thought? It's fish Einstein. I bet it tastes like tuna.

Eventually I wandered over to the stove and started to pack up my lunch. I broke off a little bite and popped it in my mouth and 1.7 seconds later spit it out into the sink. Fishy? Fishy my ass. Tasted more like the armpit of Satan than like tuna.

Cue over analysis. Yes, I know it makes people hate me. I can't help myself. And I remembered how several weeks ago He mentioned that the beer fridge had died. And then a few days later he mentioned that it had been resurrected. Don't worry! Beer is safe! Who cares about stuff in overflow freezer? Like tuna.

Stuff that had maybe thawed for one or two or seventeen days 'cause I think about drinking beer WAY more often than I actually haul my butt out to garage to fetch one. Stuff that maybe He looked at, and touched, and then maybe thought something like "hey, it's still cold!". Then maybe he decided it would be start to move that stuff into the house freezer. Stuff like tuna.




1. teryaki tomatoes
2. rice
3. apples with honey and yogurt

Know what? Teryaki tomatoes are damn tasty. And not at all like tuna.